worship in the city

June 6, 2008

Dancers Delight

In my high school, we were not allowed to have any organized "dance" type event until my freshmen year. I was on the student council and I got to help plan the dance. I love planning big parties, so this was a great time for me. The dance itself was a little bit like the movie "Footloose" except that in that movie, the teens all of a sudden know all these complex break-dancing moves even though they've never danced before. At my school, we just flopped around with glee at the freedom we were given. (By the time I was graduating, I started to wonder if the ban on organized dances was not such a bad idea. Our "Christian" student body quickly learned how to bump and grind as if it was MTV Spring Break.)

Even though in our brokenness, we often abuse the freedom to dance, I believe that dancing is a good gift from the Lord that can even be used in worship. I have challenged the NCF Music Team to memorize some scripture every weekend and this weekend's verse gives a specific call to get on the floor and move your body.

Psalm 149:3-4 3 Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp. 4 For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation.

There are two classic narratives (that I can think of) that refer to dancing in the bible. One is the story of David dancing before the Lord, making himself undignified in fear of the awesome power of the Lord's holy presence. The other is Miriam taking up a tambourine and dancing after the Egyptian army was swallowed up by the Red Sea. In both stories, their dance was a response of reverence mixed with joy (see John Frame's "Worship in Spirit and in Truth" for a discussion of reverence and joy). This is a great way to tell what kind of dancing is appropriate in worship. Does it reflect reverence? Does it reflect joy?

Let me explain what I mean by dancing. Dancing is any thing you do to move your body in time with the music. Swaying is dancing. Clapping and tapping your feet are dancing. Moving your shoulders or your hips is dancing. Hand movements that demonstrate the meaning of the song like in "Ain't No Rock" are dancing. Dancing can be organized like a praise dancing or mime; it can also be spontaneous.

Psalm 149:4 gives us a reason to dance. First of all the Lord delights in you. I love that word, "delight". (Not just because it's the name of the early '90s classic dance group that gave the world, "Groove Is In The Heart.") Delight is a word that is very strong. I might appreciate time alone, but I delight in my wife. I might enjoy the company of friends, but I delight in my children. The Lord delights in His people, and that means that we can get undignified when we dance.

It also says that the Lord crowns the humble with salvation. He delights in us, but he also was to see us embrace the same humble heart that the Man of Sorrows had. As we worship with celebration and gladness, we do it with humble hearts before the Lord knowing that we have been blessed beyond what we could ever earn or deserve.

Sometimes, when I am leading worship at New City Fellowship, I can see somebody who looks like they would never move an inch in a million years start to twitch and then start to sway a little. Sometimes, they start to bob their head with the music (doing the "white man's overbite.") Sometimes that person completely forgets about the fact that they would never stand a chance on "So You Think You Can Dance?" Sometimes, they are filled with a kind of reverence and joy that envelops them in such a powerful way that their whole body starts to praise His name with dancing.

Groove is in the heart indeed.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 10:03 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 25, 2008

Song Video: Thorn In My Side

I shared the lyrics to this song this fall I think. We had a really rough fall with Sarah's pregnancy and I wrote a couple of songs about going through hard times. This one came to me in one evening. I think I might have written the bridge later that week, but other than that it was one of those quick songs that writes itself.

Click the extended entry to see the lyrics.

Continue reading "Song Video: Thorn In My Side"

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April 26, 2008

Isaiah 29: What's the cure for phony worship?

Jesus quoted Isaiah 29:13 to the Pharisees in Matthew 15:8-9. He was rebuking them for missing the whole point of the law. As worship leaders (servants) called to prepare the music for the meeting together of God’s people, we are vulnerable to the temptation to honor God with our lips while our hearts remain far from him. It’s too easy to use our skill and experience to create a worshipy atmosphere and attitude while being completely void of a broken and contrite heart before the Lord. Read Isaiah 29 and meditate on what the prophet was trying to communicate with his warning to the city of David.

Isaiah 29:9-12
The Lord in His judgment blinds them and deafens them to the prophets.
Sometimes the word of God, the songs we sing, the preaching, the friendly encouragement of another follower of Christ will be meaningless and hollow. Our eyes will be shut to see God’s glory; our ears will be closed to listen to His voice. We usually get down on ourselves when we feel “dry” but maybe the Lord is taking us into that desert in order to bring back to the cross.

Isaiah 29:13
Their worship is a charade. It is a religious show. Their hearts are far from God.
This is the verse that Jesus quotes and it fits the Pharisees well. It also fits many of us well. This is an excellent verse for worship leaders to memorize.

Isaiah 29:14
So the Lord will mess up their perspective, He will screw up their misconceptions, He will blow their minds.
The Pharisees in the gospels are always getting thrown into a tizzy by Jesus’ words and actions. He really messes with their heads. Do you ever get completely confused by what God is doing around you? Do you ever get your brain messed up by the words or actions of Christ’s representatives with whom you come in contact?

Isaiah 29:15
Woe to people who come to church with their dirty little secrets hidden away who arrogantly think that God cannot see them.
We all have struggles with sin, and we often feel like sin is constantly beating us up. However, sometimes we get comfortable with our sin and we flirt with it, invite it, and eventually pursue it passionately. Watch out.

Isaiah 29:16
They act like they can tell God how it is, they can make God in their image, and they can twist the truth into justifying their evil deeds.
What happens when the clay tries to move the potter? It still gets smushed. Think of the Pharisees telling Jesus that his disciples didn’t wash their hands. Do we come to worship in the perspective of clay to be molded or as clay that wants to manipulate the potter?

Isaiah 29:17-21
The Lord brings His justice, righteousness, blessings, joy. He opens up the eyes of the blind and the ears of the deaf. When he kick starts His glorious kingdom it will undo the judgment of 29:9-12.
Regardless of whether we want it or not, the Lord’s kingdom breaks loose and his glory opens up our eyes. Paul was on his way to kill some more heretics when Jesus blew his mind open and opened up his eyes. Praise God that there were a lot of ex-Pharisees in the early church. What a gracious, loving God to open our eyes even when we don’t expect it. He humbles us to open our eyes so that we can truly rejoice. It’s a promise.

Isaiah 29:22a
The Lord who redeemed Abraham- the one who called you, fixed you, blessed you freely by grace…
Says to the house of Jacob- the people who received the covenant despite their tricksy ways and conniving deceptions

Isaiah 29:22b-23
Your shame and fear will be healed when you
1) See, behold, get a grip on the Lord’s glory being revealed in the gospel of grace and then
2) Stand in awe of the God of Israel
No one likes the feeling of false worship. It makes you feel ashamed and fearful. I know when I am being a phony and it is scary. The cure for shame and fear is faith in the promises of God, the gospel.

Isaiah 29:24
All your jacked-up ideas of wisdom and coolness (vs 13, 15, 16) will be recalibrated and set right by processing again the gospel (God’s glory, man’s brokenness, God’s loving redemption as a gift.)

Conclusion:
Phony worship is a disease, but there is a cure:
• Start by opening up your eyes in order to own up to your sin and your clayish status. Are you dry? Ask the Lord to open your eyes.
• Remember the promises of God, The Potter, to redeem you and restore you in the gospel.
• Stand in awe of the God of Israel (if you really meditate on those first two statements then “standing in awe” comes very naturally.)
• As you are humbled, rejoice. As you are needy, rejoice. (vs.19)

Posted by Kirk Ward at 11:52 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 23, 2008

Missional Worship

I had this talk from Doxologist streaming while I worked today. It got me thinking about how is our worship at New City Fellowship missional? How are we engaging with the culture around us instead of just being a Christian ghetto?

We might seem pretty out there to some people, but our worship is fundamentally made up of Christian traditional styles. Yes, traditional. Black tradition, African tradition, Praise and worship tradition, New City tradition, etc. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with Christian traditions, but how are we as disciples of Christ making our worship understandable by non-churched people?

Are we engaging with 18-30 year old males who are mostly absent from the American church in general? Is our worship music feminized and touchy-feely? Do gang members, video gamers, indie kids, goths, gays, facebookers, bloggers hear our music, do they hear our worship and not get blinded by cultural and religious idols that we have given more real estate in our worship service than The Gospel?

Am I over analyzing? It can at least drive us to prayer. Can we just pray about being contextually relevant with grace without compromising the gospel? Lord, when will our church explode with a wave of people who never darkened the door of a church before who suddenly receive the gospel with power?

Posted by Kirk Ward at 4:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 12, 2008

More on American Idol's "Shout..."

Laini asked some good questions in the comments to my last post about my rather emotional response to American Idol's use of "Shout To The Lord." Do I have a double standard? Probably.

I read a great blog this morning that expressed in much better ways than I could why it is so disturbing to me. The blog is "here's the post about American Idol.

Here's the heart of the problem in Kauflin's words:

when a Christian song receives national attention or reaches number 1 on the charts, it’s no clear sign one way or the other that the Gospel is advancing or the church is having more of an influence on our culture. It can just as easily be a sign that the church is being swallowed up by the culture because it’s indistinct from the world.

Here's his response to the problem:

First, we need to do everything we can to sing and promote songs in the church that clearly, biblically, passionately, and faithfully proclaim the one and only Savior...Second, we we need to live in such a way that it’s clear being a Christian is more than giving money to worthy causes and being emotionally moved as we sing songs of every genre together. We want to do all we can to ensure that those who walk into our meetings see clearly that we’re not a local version of American Idol.

His first point refers to the generic meaning of the song. What would it have been like if they had sung "In Christ Alone" or "When I Survey The Wondrous Cross" or even "You Are My King"? "Shout To The Lord" (and "Amazing Grace") are a little too vague to make a real statement about the gospel. They're not bad songs; they just can't be the only thing we sing.

The second point he makes hits a little closer to home. How much does our worship service look like American Idol? I don't mean smoke and lights and funky hair. I mean do our singers reflect the heart of worship (humility, fear of the Lord, reverent joy, broken and contrite heart, etc.)? I won't hide the fact that I am not a fan of American Idol (or most other reality shows) but I think that fans of the show would even agree that American Idol has as much to do with true worship as Babylon.

Kauflin also encourages everybody to pray that God will use this whole thing to bring people into the church, to open doors to the gospel, to bring true glory to the name of Jesus Christ, to bring more and more people to confess that Jesus (not just 'the Shepherd') is Lord. Ditto, Bob.

Read Bob's post, it's a lot better that mine.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 8:09 AM | TrackBack

April 10, 2008

Fear

My pastor shared with the staff this week about spiritual warfare. He said the main thing at the heart of spiritual warfare is fear. In Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve sinned the first thing they felt was fear. Not the healthy "fear of the Lord" that scripture says is the source of wisdom, but the fear that represents the severe distance from God that sin creates. Think of Peter at the crucifixion, David after he had impregnated another man's wife, or the Israelites at the shore of the Jordan river refusing to enter the Promised Land because of the giants who lived there. They were filled with fear that drove them to reject God's promises and to take matters into their own hands.

My pastor drove home the point that Adam and Eve became afraid because in their sin they wanted to become like God. After they had sinned, they realized that they were not God. Can we ever take that responsibility? In a universe without God, we become the strongest and wisest being there is and that is terrifying! Fear means taking our eyes off of the loving faithful Father and Savior and instead, focusing on the wind and the waves of the storm.

My wife and I are watching "3:10 to Yuma". Because we don't have much time in the evenings, we are watching it in installments, so don't tell me how it ends. But the Christian Bale character is driven by fear of losing his ranch and his family (and his identity as a man) to take the risky job of helping to escort a dangerous murderer across the wilderness to the stand trial. In a poignant scene, he tells his wife that he is tired of waiting for God to help him, and so he's going to do this risky job to make $200 to get the ranch back into shape. It made me think that spiritual warfare was making him look at his circumstances and despair, driving him away from trusting God to fight his battles.

I was also watching Veggie Tales yesterday. It was the one about Esther. It's not an especially excellent rendition of the story, but they make an excellent point: you should never be afraid of doing the right thing. Esther faced the fear in her heart because she trusted that the battle belongs to the Lord (not to Esther). So I guess you could also look at the "3:10 to Yuma" character as bravely facing a dangerous assignment because he knew that seeing this criminal come to justice was the right thing to do. (Based on the scene I mentioned, I don't think that's the filmmakers' intent).

What fears do you have? How are they driving you away from God and into taking matters into your own hands?

Remember the unchangeable Promises of God in Romans 8, Isaiah 43, Psalm 23, Ephesians 1, Philippians 4, Revelation 22, ...

Posted by Kirk Ward at 10:06 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 22, 2008

How The Resurrection Affects Worship

This morning I was pondering this topic and I came up with three things that the resurrection has changed about worship. There is probably a lot more things that better bible scholars could share, but this is what come to me in the shower.

God's presence.
Before the resurrection, worship was done in God's unique presence which was tied to specific times and places. Mt. Sinai, the pillar of cloud and flame, the tabernacle, and finally the temple. In John, Jesus tells the woman at the well that a time is coming when you won't need to go to the temple to worship. Elsewhere in the gospels, Jesus proclaims that he will destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days. Through the resurrection, the presence of God is now tied to the Holy Spirit that lives in the hearts of His redeemed people. We can be in the presence of God anytime, anywhere to worship.

The Sacrifice.
Before the resurrection, a sacrifice was required to atone for the sins of the worshiper before they could enter into worship. Through the resurrection, Jesus becomes the great high priest who offers His own blood to atone for our sins so that we can approach the throne of mercy with confidence. Jesus can fulfill this role because He lives. Read the book of Hebrews to get this concept fully fleshed out. (by the way, this is why we're singing my new arrangement for Watt's "Jesus My Great High Priest" tomorrow.)

The Song.
Jesus is our singing savior (see Reggie Kidd's book "With One Voice"). He lives to stand before the Father and in the midst of the assembly of worshipers to lead us in the song. Again, read Hebrews and Psalm 22.

Please share any more thoughts you have on how the resurrection affects worship.

(still no baby...)

Posted by Kirk Ward at 11:23 AM | TrackBack

March 21, 2008

Good Friday

I'm hanging out at home on Good Friday enjoying a day off. You might wonder why a church musician would be free on Good Friday and not running around like crazy trying to tie up last minute details. Well, I have been blessed with an extreme distaste for last minute detailery. As much as I'm able, I try to get things wrapped up and good to go in advance. Then I can just sit back and enjoy the ride. Did I mention that today is my wife's due date as well? Not only did I have to get things ready, but I had to get things ready to the point that my wonderful volunteer team could relax and enjoy the weekend even without their captain. Fortunately for me, the Holy Spirit is the true captain of worship through the atoning blood of Christ, so if the Holy Spirit shows up, then we're good to go for Easter.

Some highlights to look forward to this weekend:

Good Friday Service- the music is all focused on the cross, full of encouragement, drenched in grace and mercy. I'm especially looking forward to the excellent resetting of When I Survey the Wondrous Cross that Chris Tomlin did (The Wonderful Cross). Isaac Watts is my hero.

Rehearsals galore tomorrow. Music Team at 1:00 and choir at 5:00. Let the good times role!

Easter- There are a few moments that I look forward to every Easter Sunday. The extended "Death" toward the end of Death Is Ended. The trumpet trill on Christ The Lord Is Risen Today. The drum fill into to New Resurrection Life immortalized by Rick Dickerson. Not to mention greeting people with "He is risen", the resurrection of nature during springtime, the cute little kids in their new Easter outfits, etc. All of this just gives me a deep longing for the ultimate resurrection celebration at the end of time. Come Lord Jesus!

The possible highlight of the weekend is the birth of my son. He could decide to come any minute now, so everything we do this weekend will have a little bit of a sense of anticipation and excitement. Come little son!

Posted by Kirk Ward at 2:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 8, 2008

Consumer Church Video

Our church is going through the process of trying to decide what to do about Sunday School so they are doing a lot of surveys to find out what everybody wants. When I watched this video, I could instantly relate.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 9:21 AM | TrackBack

February 25, 2008

Black History Program Wrap-up

Well all is said and done. Months of preparation came to it's fruition this weekend. Here's a few thoughts that I have had about it:

Amanda Salmond is my hero. She was the coordinator of the dress rehearsal and the program. She created a rehearsal plan and then made sure that everything happened at the right time, fielded questions, and solved problems. It was so nice me to just stay with the band and oversee the actually performance elements in the rehearsal and not have to worry about shouting at someone on the other side of the gym to go find somebody else who is supposed to be doing something...anyway, it was a HUGE relief.

Planning ahead is really good. This year I had the date picked very early and the appropriate spaces reserved. Last year, I couldn't have a Friday night rehearsal because I failed to check the church activities calendar to make sure that I could use the space. Next year, I want to have even more planned as early as possible. I'm going to a have our first choir planning meeting in August this year.

Let people use their gifts! I was able to play guitar and lead the band...that is my strongest gift, not conducting. I can do a passable job at conducting a choir, but I much prefer to find people who are excellent conductors who can do it for me. Next year, I don't want to conduct anything!

There were a lot of people offering help the week of the event, but the real work happened in January. Choirs take a lot of advance planning. A lot more that a worship service. They involved lots of people and lots of communication, and very specific music to work with. This year, I want to find people who are willing to do the January work too.

On Sunday, I sat in on a pot-luck lunch for African Americans so that they could share with the leadership thoughts on how we're doing in loving their community. One the things brought up was how important and valuable it is to remember the history of Black people in the USA. They expressed a desire for the next generation to not be ignorant of the road they have traveled. It was very affirming to me that our program is a very important part of the ministry of reconciliation at our church.

I hope next year that a committee will form to plan more events in Black History month that are not musically related. Sunday School classes about Dr. King or about the role of the church in American Slavery or an overview of Gospel or other topics that would be more than a chronological recitation of events.

Maybe by this time next year, we'll have an African American pastor who can help give some much needed leadership in this area.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 12:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 19, 2008

"I Need A Real God!"

I saw this clip on Claudia's blog and stole it.

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February 18, 2008

Book Review: The Worshiping Artist

About a week ago I finished another book by Rory Noland that is a follow up to "The Heart Of The Artist" called, "The Worshiping Artist." My wife gave it to me for Christmas because it was on my list, (so she is exempt from any negative response I have to the book.)

If you've read "The Heart Of The Artist" you can expect some of the same good things. Excellent opening illustrations for each chapter that are so real it makes you wonder if he's been tapping your phone. A lot of good practical advice to artists who are involved in the church. In this book, his goal is to give a kind of orientation to artists who are entering into a worship leadership role. As such it was kind of a review of a lot of stuff for me. I would recommend it for maybe a group of college music interns who are starting out in worship leading. It gives a good solid ground work for what it really means to worship God, but honestly, I skimmed about 2/3rds of the book because it was nothing extremely new to me.

The last 3rd was kind of cool because he fleshed out some examples from scripture (and church history) of worship leaders and made some cool biblical applications. He did a chapter each on the Levites, Asaph, and the iconographers. (I was a little wary of the icon stuff. I can't say I get it, but the main points were good.)

Over-all, I would not recommend it to anyone whose been leading worship for more than a few years and has already wrestled through a biblical understanding of worship. "The Heart Of the Artist" was a much better book that had a lot of original things to say about the particular struggles of being an artist.

I have at least 4 more books on worship and art that I am reading, so stay tuned...

Posted by Kirk Ward at 8:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 13, 2008

Leadership Training

Our staff here at the church has begun a phase of leadership training. All of us are leaders of our various ministries, but few of us have had any specific training in how to lead from our pastors. I am really excited about it because I feel pretty helpless and clueless most of the time. Some of you who know me might find that surprising because I come to practice and try to be very assertive with how things should happen. However most of the week, I feel like I'm drowning a lot of the time. I can't seem to figure out how to use my time well. I feel overwhelmed with details and busy work. I loose focus on the big picture and start to get perfectionist and picky about little things (I've spent hours working on one chart to get everything just right.) I can spend all week staring at the computer and never speak to one member of my team. I can get bogged down in emails that never seem to have any real point. I can waste my work time writing blog posts...

Anyway, I have a lot of questions but it feels good. Like I'm on the verge of something big.

Here's one thing that has kind of blown my mind. I realized yesterday that I have a real victim mentality when it comes to leadership. Like I am this martyr who is put into the position of having to take care of everyone and to be the person who attends to all the details. I told the staff yesterday that sometimes I feel like there's a giant funnel of stuff dangling over my shoulders and every little thing drops into the funnel and onto me to take care of it because I'm the one with the keys, the skills, the contacts, the authority, etc.

Then after I shared it, Barry told me that other way to look at it was that I am a bottleneck.

Because I am trying to sinfully control everything, I am not allowing the work and the details to flow smoothly, so it's just a huge bottle neck of progress. I definitely feel that way about my leadership in South City. Its seems like there is always a dump truck load of little things that have to be taken care of by me and yet I am failing to get any done efficiently or well.

Control verses Empowerment is root issue. How do I let go of the dictatorial drive to control everything and how do I get into the process of empowerment?

Posted by Kirk Ward at 3:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 31, 2008

Calvin College: Institutional Racism?

Here's a post I read this morning from Reconciliation Blog.

My dad just came back from Calvin College this weekend where he was attending the symposium on Worship. Calvin (and the CRC in general) strikes me as an institution that is into the idea of cultural diversity in the church (more than my own denomination's college perhaps). Some of their worship resources have that scholarly vibe of the patchwork quilt of diversity. So it seems odd to me that they would be so off the mark on this issue, and so apparently clueless about racial dynamics.

I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they probably see the issue as "one of our faculty members wants to worship at a BAPTIST (gasp!) church." But, of course, the reality is that this woman just wants to be in a church where she does not experience alienation on a weekly basis.

Lord, if only their were reformed churches in Grand Rapids that had anything to offer this African American woman. Lead us, Jesus!

-I'm interested to here Heidi's thoughts as an alumni of Calvin.
-I'm also interested to here my dad's take on the symposium.
-I'm surprised that Anthony over at the Institute hasn't written a post about it yet.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 7:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 30, 2008

New City Fellowship Music Team Ministry Report for 2007

New City Fellowship Choirs
2007 was the year that we saw the dream of a choir program realized. In the spring, the choirs were organized around the Black History Program and Resurrection Sunday. When the fall came around, there were enough singers to make the choir a more established team including a group of committed leaders.

Black History Program
In February, we had an amazing experience when we came together to worship Jesus through the voice and experience of African-Americans. This was a challenge to organize, but it was incredibly encouraging to all who came as well as a wonderful offering of worship.

Growth in South City
God answered many of my prayers when the South City service was blessed with two committed and visionary pastors and with being able to meet in a better facility. The musicians in South City are very thankful to be done with all of the frustrating circumstances surrounding our former location. We are also thankful for how the passionate and focused leadership of Kevin VandenBrink and Macklann Basse has given the entire worship service a boost.

London
I had the pleasure of taking a team of Music Team members to the London Evangelism and Prayer Conference in July. We were given the responsibility of leading the other conferees in worship sessions, and in addition to what we learned and experienced in evangelism, we all came back with a more confident approach to worship leading and greater appreciation for the fellowship of musicians who lead worship together.

Music Team Leadership
This year, I was finally able to get a better taste for team ministry by forming the Music Team Leadership. The Music Team is made up of over 50 volunteers including worship leaders, singers, instrumentalists, sound techs, and text operators. The Music Team Leadership is a small group of people from the Music Team who feel a more committed calling to serve the whole Music Team through leadership.

What to expect in 2008
• South City will develop a more localized music administration and worship planning.
• The choirs will continue to cast a vision for how they can be used for the Kingdom.
• More intentional and relational development of musically gifted leadership.
• Encouraging songwriters, artists, and musicians in our congregation to develop unique expressions of worship that reflect the kaleidoscope of sounds and images that represent New City Fellowship.
• Ward baby #2!

Posted by Kirk Ward at 9:19 AM | TrackBack

January 29, 2008

Sarah Shares The Gospel

Last night, Sarah got to meet one-on-one with one of the teenage girls that she disciples in a bible study. Sarah has been a leader with this small group for about 3 years now and it has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. She asked the girl a bunch of questions about what she believes, and then Sarah answered any questions that the girl had. Sarah found that this girl who had been faithfully coming to the bible study for a long time knew very little of the basic narrative of the bible, and she had a lot of mixed up ideas from our culture that were not based at all in Scriptural content. Of course, we all are like that (especially in high school). Overall, people today know very little about what the bible actually teaches (I say that as if I have actual stats, but I'm sure it's true. How post-modern!) Anyway, Sarah's responses to this girl's many questions were in effect a presentation of the gospel. It's hard not to share the gospel when people ask things about forgiveness, sin, the fall, and the resurrection of the dead.

I'm so proud of my wife and her faithfulness to speak the truth in love. Not only that, but all the hours and hours of building relationship that lead up to a conversation that was filled with trust and respect.

Pray for this girl to grow in her understanding of the gospel.

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January 22, 2008

Heath Ledger Died Today

This article says that Ledger was found dead today "with prescription sleeping pills nearby." Here's a quote from when he was working on "Dark Night", the next Batman movie in which he plays the Joker.

"Last week I probably slept an average of two hours a night," Ledger told the newspaper. "I couldn't stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going." He said he took two Ambien pills, which worked for only an hour, the paper said.

This sounds like a man who was desperate for rest. Heath was my age. He was a pretty decent actor; it's very tragic.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 9:32 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 20, 2008

Veggie Interview: Failure, Preaching on Film, and Parables

This interview was really cool. The creator of Veggie Tales talks about how his hubris bankrupt the Veggie Machine and he talks about making the new Pirates movie in the post-Passion Hollywood. He's really frank about how frustrating it is to make movies for a "Christian Audience" who seem to want the message to be so blatantly obvious that you would expect a character to turn to the camera and say, "Now let me tell you about Jesus and His plan for your life..."

Posted by Kirk Ward at 2:13 PM | TrackBack

October 30, 2007

If You Go To Church At New City Fellowship You Have To Read This!

This blog post was incredibly encouraging. It's a bunch of observations by a guy who visited my church who is not a Christian. Please read it here and then come back if you want to read my comments...

It makes me realize several things:
- no matter how discouraged I might feel at times about our work at NCF, it's still an amazing place to be. Get behind me Satan!
- sometimes I feel so at home and normal at NCF that I don't see how bizarre we are to outsiders.
- the gospel, when you live it out, really freaks people out.

here's the scariest thing it made me see:
-people are sitting in the folding chairs every weekend, drawing conclusions, making judgments-good or bad-about who we are and what we do.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 3:47 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

September 11, 2007

Darkness to one side and light to the other

Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel's army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side... Exodus 14:19,20

Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. 1 Corinthians 1:22-25

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August 10, 2007

Simpsons Reveiw and Mac Ad Parodies

Here's a review of the Simpson's movie on Christianity Today. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I really appreciated this guy's articulation of what is good about the Simpsons.

I also saw these clever Mac ad parodies. They are sort of about the "emergent church" culture. I thought the one called "Counselor" was the funniest.

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August 6, 2007

A London Synopsis

The Big News
My wife is about 7 weeks pregnant, so the trip for our family had an overarching theme of nausea and exhaustion. We are totally happy about having another baby, but it was a little bit of a downer on the trip. God graciously provided a lot of people who were willing to watch Joanna or give Sarah a place to chill out.

Evangelism
Of course, the whole purpose of the trip was to learn more about evangelism and to put it into practice. The week had a wonderful effect of freeing me from a lot of my bad evangelism prejudices. Handing out tracks and going door to door with a survey are forms of evangelism that I have always hated because they are impersonal and obnoxious (in other words nothing like Jesus). However, this week I learned that some people will never have any contact with Christians unless we walk up to them on the street or knock on their door. I had a wonderful feeling of being the first step in God's process of calling people to become His adopted children. Now, I want to pursue learning more about how to share the gospel in St Louis.

Hinduism, Islam, and Sikhism
As I prepared for this trip, I began to fear that I would not be able to overcome our cultural worship of tolerance. I was afraid of making exclusive "truth claims" about the Bible. However, all of those feelings went away as I visited the temple, mosque and gudwara and heard from their representatives about what they actually believed. There was really no hope and no answers; just empty religious rituals and philosophies. I was also struck with how easy it is for people (like me) to practice a Christianity that is just like these other religions. Without the gospel of Jesus Christ, Christianity is just a bunch of rituals and philosophies.

The Hatches
It was great to hang out with Chris and Josephine but we were a little too busy to have actual quality time. If you are their friend and you want to go to spend time with them, I would not recommend doing LEAP.

I hope that our church sends a team again next year. I think it would benefit everyone in our church to experience the London Evangelism and Prayer Conference. I also want to add that our team was a lot of fun and it was great to get to know these friends better.

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July 27, 2007

Live From London

Greetings from the capital of the world!

I can't remember how to get in to my email from a remote location, so I will use my blog as a means of communication. If anyone from the office reads this please leave a comment with the address. Also, if anyone from music team reads this, please copy and send this in an email to the rest of the team.

We've had a challenging trip so far. Mostly from the constant traveling around the city we've been doing. We are all suffering from an almost constant state of motion sickness. This week we have already visited a Hindu temple, a Sikh gudwara, and a Muslim mosque. We spent an afternoon hanging out at the Hatch's house, eating kebab and jumping on their trampoline. We spent a few hours going door-to-door, inviting people to the church and taking a survey about the spiritual and physical needs in the community. We went on a prayer walk around a mall that was in the center of one of the neighborhoods. The worship has been very energetic and enthusiastic. We are working on a Punjabi style arrangement of "David's Dance".

Today is our day off. Sarah and I are visiting with her parents and are going to spend the day doing something fun with Joanna. The rest of our team is going in to Central London to see the sites.

Joanna is having a blast this week. She has been a little hard at times to take care of, but overall she has not caused too much distraction thanks to the Hatches and Sarah's parents. Yesterday, Sarah's mom took Joanna in the morning, and then Joanna (who was only just recently weened) stayed over night with her "Gigi". What a blessing for Sarah and I!

Please pray for Sarah who has felt sick for the entire trip. Please pray for our team as we continue to go in to the community with book tables and door-to-door surveys for a few more days.

Praise God:
1. Our team has a great sense of unity and we love hanging out and laughing together.
2. We are all excited about what we are learning and experiencing and we have all expressed a desire to apply what we've learned to our context at home.
3. The worship has been very free and easy with great joy.

Cheers!

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July 18, 2007

How Jesus' Love Captured My Selfish Heart

As a child, my parents and my community taught me many things about who God is and about His holy scriptures. They gave me strong morals and raised me to respect others, to honor and obey, and to live my life as a demonstration of worship to God. They also taught me about Jesus Christ and about his death and resurrection. I believed that this was true, and I accepted that this story was my salvation from spiritual death.

When I became a young man, I started to realize that even though I had all of these moral values I had a very poor record of living those morals out. I usually cared more about myself than others, and I lived a lifestyle of self-love and self-worship instead of a lifestyle of love and worship for God. I began to read the Bible and pray every day, but I was still unable to live the way I wanted to. I seemed to be unable to control myself. I began to wonder why it mattered that I live a moral life, what the meaning of my existence was, and why a holy creator God would care about whether I was moral. I began to create intellectual justifications for violating God’s law even though I claimed to be his worshiper.

During those years, some men who were leaders in my church began to give me training in God’s word combined with spiritual and emotional counseling. They opened my eyes to see how much of my life was filled with inconsistency about what I claimed to believe and how I chose to live. This made me very depressed and filled me with fear about what God might think about me. However, they also began to show me how Jesus death and resurrection had accomplished more than protection from spiritual death. It had also given me an eternal citizenship in the kingdom of God, a kingdom that was not a just future hope, but a present reality. His death represented a divine act of love done on my behalf, planned from the beginning of time, for the purpose of restoring my heart to the true worship of God. I began to see how the purpose of my existence was to worship God and the reason for living a moral life was to be restored to the true glory for which I was created. Jesus life, death and resurrection were God’s plan for fulfilling His own legal requirements by perfectly obeying His laws, by dying the death of a evil man to be substitute for me, and by returning from death, defeating the power of death over me. I stopped trying to just live a moral life, and I began to focus on the love that Jesus had already demonstrated to me.

Today, I understand that even though I still fail to love God with my whole life Jesus Christ has given me the gift of his perfect record, the gift of his resurrected life, the gift of his receiving the judgment of God in my place. Jesus loves me! Jesus is so much more than a moral teacher, prophet, or religious guru. He is the physical manifestation of the love God has for me. His love is for you also, if you will stop creating your own justifications for your self-worship and humbly cry out to God for help.

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July 12, 2007

Courage

Yesterday, I witnessed a uncomfortable situation. I was riding my bike and I saw a man yelling and cursing at a woman out on the front lawn of a house that I ride past. He had her arms in a tight grip and I could see that she was crying. I knew that this man was in a rage and that he was getting violent. I circled around. I knew that I had to pass by to get home, but I was afraid to step in and do something. I knew that she was in danger of his rage, and I knew that she needed someone to help her.

I am not a violent man, but I have been assaulted before and it's not something I would want to repeat. I know that I am not much good in a fight because I am not very strong or fast or smart about fighting. So when I was trying to decide what to do I knew I could either ride away ignoring them, or I could approach the man and get beat-up. I could hear him in my head already, "Why don't you keep on riding and mind your own business or do you want me to beat your ass, too?"

In the heat of the moment, I decided to ride back around the corner where there was a police officer and ask him to check it out. After speaking with the police officer, I rode back around the corner and they were gone. Maybe they saw me staring and took their domestic dispute inside.

It made me think about my Lord Jesus. He didn't run from the fight. He didn't think about his own safety first. He placed his body in the path of the just wrath of the Father. I didn't deserve to rescued, but Jesus laid down his life for me.

Last night, I felt pretty cowardly. Why can't I be like Bruce Willis or John Wayne? I felt emasculated and weak. Hanging out with the team that is going to London with me helped me to refocus my heart. This verse from "Before the Throne Of God Above" says it all:

When Satan temps me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
who made an end of all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

What would you have done?

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May 24, 2007

All the Vain Things

"All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to His blood." -Isaac Watts

In the face of the death of a toddler girl in my church, what can you say? Lord, can I hold on to my daughter forever? You have not asked me to lay Joanna on the alter like Isaac, but if you took her from me could I still say "God is good all the time"? She is definitely charming, but would I say that my own daughter is a "vain thing"?

Lord, increase my faith.

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March 16, 2007

More on Excellence

My friend Tanya has brought up a very valuable discussion on her blog about excellence. It’s worth reading her post and the comments here.

Like most normal people I can fall into the two traps of legalistic perfectionism and self-gratifying sloth. One the one side, life becomes a series of tests that I have to pass in order to be loved, accepted, and feel that my life has meaning and relevance. One the other side, life becomes a self-centered, lazy drift from one night on the couch in front of the TV to the next where I never seem to do anything well, with any conviction or quality. So, what is life supposed to really be like?

I’ve found that the answer is in going back to both the pre-fallen humanity and back to the rest of God’s grace over us.

Pre-fallen Humanity
God made us good. He made Adam and Eve with wonderful creativity, ingenuity, beauty, and skill. We were created as the image of the Creator, and so there is intrinsic glory about humans in all that they do. Go to the major cities of the world and witness the awesome majesty of towering skyscrapers. Listen to the beauty and complexity of Beethoven symphonies. Observe the skill and power of Albert Pujols as he knocks another fastball out of the park. God created us to be good, to do excellent things, and reflect His glory in all that we do. When we let sloth overwhelm us and allow the mind-numbing power of instant-gratification keep us from ever doing anything well or putting any effort into anything of value then we are letting sin diminish the glory of the divine image. So, Christian, be who God created you to be, and don’t apologize or hide your gifts and talents as if they were a dirty little secret.

The Rest of God’s Grace
The good news of the gospel frees us from the oppression of the Law, the fear of condemnation, and the bondage of a performance based lifestyle. Perfectionism sets an impossible standard that only sets you up for failure and disappointment. Like gerbils on a wheel, we can live our lives in a never-ending race to win love, acceptance, and security. The gospel frees us to rest in God’s grace. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. We are loved and accepted completely by God’s grace. This acceptance is what frees us to become fully human, redeeming the broken, restoring the fallen. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we reside in the presence of our loving Father, glorifying Him and enjoying Him forever. The “American Idol” way of life where we sing our song in front of a panel of judges who are just looking for any little thing to pounce on is not what God intended for us to be. He created us with freedom to enjoy the labors of our hands. Like the athlete, Eric Liddel who was featured in the movie “Chariots of Fire” we aught to pursue excellence not to earn the respect of other people, but because in the execution of our gifts we feel God’s pleasure.

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March 9, 2007

Dependence

This week, I realized how much I depend on Sarah and Joanna and how much I need them with me all the time. I went for two weeks without them and now that they are back, I know how much joy and life they bring to me.

I also found out how much I depend on my computer. On Wednesday, when I went in to work, my computer was non-responsive. As it turns out, it had not crashed; it just had a bad power supply. So, this morning our volunteer tech support, Jerry, had diagnosed the problem and my computer is back in action. Trying to work on a Windows 98 replacement on Wednesday made me see how desperately I need my computer to do my job.

I was able to survive without my family, but life was so drab and pointless without having them there. I was able to do some work without my computer, but it was so frustrating and slow. As the song goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘till its gone.”

Light and life, the Alpha and Omega, the Living Head, the Cornerstone, were would I be without you? On the cross, the Father removed His divine favor, from the Son. I wonder what that was like. What would it feel like to have the Lord’s presence, His compassion, His sustaining grace, completely removed from our lives?

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October 11, 2006

Performance vs. The Gospel

When you go to music school in college, you enter a world of evaluation based on performance. There are no points given for effort. You can either play or you can’t. I entered the University of Tennessee as a freshman terrified of my professors, the upper classmen, and my peers. Music school is often the place that people end up after a few years of gigging or investigating other fields. As a result, some of my “peers” were actually much older than me and had a few years of playing under their belt. I was an anomaly: a true freshman as they would say in football. There were so many guitarists entering the program when I started that I almost did not get in to the guitar major. However, by the end of my freshman year, all but about three of us had dropped out of the program. They could not perform.

My guitar teacher during my freshman year seemed to be given the task to weed out the people who were not really capable or committed. We spent the entire year working on “sight-reading” which is the ability to play notes on a page in real time without memorizing them first. Like reading out loud, it’s something that comes easily for some people, but for those who can’t it is terribly embarrassing. I would spend hours and hours practicing for my Monday morning lesson, and with fear and loathing I would make the long walk to the music annex where a few measures of sight-reading would brutally remind me of my inability to perform.

At the end of the fall and spring semesters, there is a final exam for applied music (guitar lessons) called a jury. Preparing for juries was like packing your bags for a trip on the Titanic. It was certain to end badly. Juries: I walked into a tiny room where the entire jazz faculty was crammed in so close that I had to be careful to not whack one of them with my guitar neck. Juries: in a few moments an entire semester of mind-numbing practice would be determined to be productive or a waste of time. Juries: a page of lines and dots were placed in front of me and a computer would count off the time and in a matter of 30 seconds I would attempt to perform in a way that earned the credit I needed to graduate.

Performance is a huge part of music in schools, but performance is not isolated to just the educational spheres of music. Even the most road-dogged, blues-bar musicians or the three chord strumming street musician playing for quarters in the subways lives or dies based on their performance. Performance is common outside of music as well. Anybody who has worked for a living has had to earn every dollar with the quality of their performance.

The gospel is not based on performance. The gospel is a gift. The gospel is not based on the merits or demerits of the person who receives it. The gospel is founded and established on Jesus Christ and his performance. The gospel is not performance.

Musicians: be freed from the tyranny of performance. Be renewed by the riches of grace lavished freely on you. Be embraced by the Father who loves you as sons and daughters. Your skill cannot win any favor from God. Your technique cannot bridge the gap to be worthy of His holiness. Your intonation, time, phrasing, speed, range, and any other performance ability can do nothing to change your standing before the Lord.

Play with excellence? Of course! Pursue perfecting your skills? God gave you those skills, so He wants you to use them. But, where is your heart and where do you invest your confidence and hope. If it is in your skills, then you have turned a good gift from the Lord into an idol and idolatry is always slavery. Slavery to skill looks like the terror of my first year in college. Trust me; I know from experience that it will eat you alive.

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July 26, 2006

The Body Of Christ in Crisis

In the grand scheme of things, The Great Power Outage of '06 was not very significant, but last week it had a pretty huge impact on the lives of everyone here in St. Louis. It was so wonderful to see the love of Christ revealed in simple acts of kindness and hospitality. My wife and I spent most of the week at Josh and Heather Henning's house and they treated us like we were family. They offered to let us stay there overnight (we thought we would be more comfortable at home, but we were very wrong.) We even had some friends who wanted to hang out with us, and the Henning's let us host our friends at their house. By Friday night when our power came back on, we were a little disappointed because we were having so much fun.

I know that we were not alone in being blessed by the fellowship of the body of Christ last week. Everyone I spoke with was either giving or receiving hospitality. I'm not an advocate for communal living, but it sure was fun to be sharing, talking, and hanging out together. Maybe this is a taste of the joy that the first Christians experienced during the beginnings of the church. See Acts 4:32-35.


The picture at the top is a painting that my sister, Katie Knutson, was comissioned to do for someone at NCF-Chatt. For more of her artwork check out her website or her blog.

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July 11, 2006

Zidane and Racism

At New City Fellowship, we often talk about the persistence of racism in our country and around the world. Often people get tired of hearing about it, and may even begin to believe that racism is a thing of the past. We watch movies like “Glory Road” or “Remember the Titans” and we think, “Man, those were some hard times, but it’s a good thing that we don’t have any of that today.” It’s true that things have changed in the United States and that secular cultures have mistakenly made tolerance the highest good. However, racism lives in the hearts of all people because sin lives in the hearts of all people.

The World Cup Final has me thinking about racism today. I have been doing some Internet research about what made Zinedine Zidane so enraged that he would throw away the chance to win the World Cup and would end his career on such a bad note. I learned that Zidane is of Kabyle Algerian descent. One source I read claimed that Marco Materazzi, the Italian defender who was on the receiving end of Zidane’s head butt, referred to Zidane’s mother as a “terrorist whore.” Considering that Zidane’s mother got sick and was taken to a hospital a few hours before the match, one could understand how offensive that insult would be. Materazzi denies he said anything about terrorists but FIFA officials will be investigating because the use of a racial slur could result in the subtraction of some of Italy’s points, which would mean that they would lose their World Cup Champion title. Click here for more details about the incident.

Whether or not the red card was a result of racism is not my business; however, I think that it illustrates that racism is still a very real part of our world today. During his time on earth, Jesus Christ was constantly breaking down the outward walls of cultural exclusivity, ethnocentricity, and institutional racism, but he was also always cutting to the heart of an individual’s racism, their pride. May the blood of Christ cleanse and change our hearts so that the church will gain the reputation of being a place where peace reigns over racism.

Do you thing racism is a thing of the past or a present reality?

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June 16, 2006

Knock, Knock

This morning I read a very popular passage of scripture, and learning something completely new to me.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20

This is a verse that is often used in “alter calls” and evangelism tracts. However, this morning was the first time that I realized its context. The verse comes from the letter to the church in Laodicea, which is best known as the place where Christ, speaking through John, calls the church neither hot nor cold, but lukewarm. So, the meaning of the verse has nothing to do with non-Christians; it is instead a plea to lukewarm Christians. The verse that comes before Rev. 3:20, gets even more to the heart of why Christ is knocking at the door of their heart.

“Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.” Revelation 3:19

Christ is using strong cautionary language to Christians who are becoming irrelevant, stale, and useless. He is at the door of their heart to use a loving rebuke and firm discipline to shake them up and bring them to repentance. What sins did these Laodicean Christians have stored up in their heart that they were keeping locked away? This morning as I realized the true meaning of this passage, I asked myself the same question. Then I told Jesus that I am opening the door of my heart to allow him to root out any sins that I had tucked away in the deepest places. I told him to extend his lordship into every part of my being. I invited him to come in and eat with me, returning to the table of his body and blood, the feast of the Bread of Life, the Living water.

“Lukewarm” has been used a weapon to deride many different styles of worship. All throughout the history of the church, people on various ends of the stylistic spectrum of worship have lobbed the “lukewarm” hand grenade at each other. But, It has most often been used to accuse people who attend worship like it was TV, staring glazy-eyed like a coach potato making no effort to engage their heart. However, even the most active and enthusiastic worshiper might have a lukewarm heart if they are squirreling away some secret sin or idol for which they have not yet relinquished lordship to Christ.

I encourage you to stop sometime this weekend and meditate on the letter to the church in Laodicea found in Revelation 3:14-22.

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June 8, 2006

World Cup and Demon Powers

My friend, Macklann, is a Togolese man who is a leader in my church. Mac told me that before he was a Christian, he played soccer. He said that it was common practice for soccer players to use witchcraft and fetishes to make themselves better players. He said when a player stole the ball from him, he would simply rub a special ring that he acquired from a witchdoctor and speak a curse and the player would fall down.

In National Geographic this month, the cover story is a series of essays about soccer. In one essay, it claims that the team from Cote D’Ivoire has been plagued for years by a curse. This is not like the Red Sock’s curse that was broken two years ago (at the expense of the poor Cardinals.) This curse was from a group of disgruntled witchdoctors and juju men who were hired help the team about 10 years ago, by a Cote D’Ivoire government official. When the government official cheated the witchdoctors out of their money, they put a curse on the team. The soccer team has had horrible seasons ever since. This past year, the government finally paid off the witchdoctors who lifted their curse, and now the Cote D’Ivoire team will play in the World Cup.

What is the validity of these spiritual forces? Is this “just superstition” or is their real power, from demonic sources, that can be manipulated for human purposes?

I believe that demonic powers exist. Sometimes they work like Screwtape and Wormwood by using subversion and deception to confuse and distract us from God’s will. I experience this all the time in my relationships and in my job. Other times, the powers of darkness operate out in the open like the giant, Goliath, taunting us and humiliating us by flaunting power that is real.

In 1 Peter 5:8-9, we receive this warning:
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering.”

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April 11, 2006

Fear and Loathing in Clayton.

This past weekend, I got to sit in with Central Presbyterian’s evening service. Eric Stiller is a professional bass player who leads the music there. Eric hires musicians who he plays with from the local jazz community to play in the band, building bridges for the gospel through music. He asked me to come play with them sometime, and so this weekend I had the opportunity to get some perspective of what it’s like to be out of the director’s chair and back into a follower role.

I have to confess that my sin was exposed in a vicious way through the experience. I felt desperately insecure (a feeling I often get around accomplished jazz musicians.) I began to loose any confidence that I could make competent musical decisions, so I started criticizing myself while repeatedly asking the other musicians to tell me exactly what to play. My insecurity twisted any affirmation into sounding fake or patronizing. I was amazed to hear myself saying or thinking some of the same things that I have become so tired of hearing from my teammates:
“I could be a lot better, but I just haven’t practiced enough.”
“I’m sorry for messing up that intro.”
“Is there anything that I should be doing differently?”
“You guys sound so great, I feel like I am making things sound worse.”
It is so irritating when musicians apologize for their perceived failings or constantly berate and criticize themselves, like the host who apologizes for his untidy house or the beautiful woman who is always complaining about her thighs or crow’s feet. I know that I have told other musicians who can’t overcome their insecurity to “just be yourself,” “don’t be afraid to make mistakes,” or “just play and let things happen.” But this weekend these kinds of platitudes just caused me to become more self-loathing and fearful.

Earlier that same day, Jesse Heirendt and I were musing about the days when we once played music in a state of fear and loathing. I told him that I have come to a point where I like the way I play, and I embrace the Gospel’s promises over my gifts. Then just a few hours later, I was sweating bullets over playing an F-blues (probably the most basic form in jazz) forgetting what happens in the 9th bar. The truth is that there is no sin that we grow out of or that is no longer a struggle. In my pride, I judge those musicians who struggle with insecurity, and yet that same insecurity is still there in my heart. I still struggle with living like an orphan despite my Father’s unfailing love.

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March 1, 2006

Justice and Mercy Through Music

One of the catch phrases at my church is that the kingdom of God is about “Justice and Mercy.” In fact our pastor says it so much that it sometimes looses all meaning to me. I don’t intend to give a detailed apologetic here to explain what this means. But, you can get a taste of it on the New City Fellowship website.

However, some of you who are involved with NCF or on the music team might not have ever realized how music participates in this vision for Justice and Mercy. Here is one example from Psalm 137 which is a lamentation about being in captivity.

By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion. There on the poplars we hung our harps, for there our captors asked us for songs, our tormentors demanded songs of joy; they said, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!" How can we sing the songs of the LORD while in a foreign land?

The psalmist weeps in a foreign land, held captive and oppressed far from his home and culture. His captors mock him by asking for one of those joyful tunes that he used to sing back home in the days of peace and prosperity. But, he is not in the mood to sing; his harp is hanging on the tree gathering dust. Besides, what is there to sing about anyway?

Many people here in St. Louis are in a similar state. Some are actual political refugees, but many others feel like they are in a “foreign land” even though they have never left the street they grew up on. Ultimately, all people have a distant memory of Zion or “echoes of Eden” in their heart that make them long for a place that they have never been or a joy that they have never felt. The songs of Babylon, filled with hedonism, rage, or despair, are a cruel parody of the songs of Zion. Joy and hope become only faint memories and the cold, meaningless groans and grunts of their captors fill what Lewis' Screwtape called “The Kingdom of Noise.”

People can have their bellies full, their bodies clothed, and their homes repaired, but their heart is still sitting by the rivers of Babylon weeping for Zion. In this context, the Gospel breaks the darkness like the rising sun. As the sons and daughters of the King, we bring the good news to the captives that their chains are broken and the year of Jubilee has come. In this day, the day of the restoration, redemption, and resurrection of all that was lost, the songs of Zion must be sung. So, do justice and mercy by taking the harp down from the poplar and letting it produce music again!

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February 21, 2006

More Than A Feeling

Having completed the second book in the Harry Potter series, I moved back into my C.S. Lewis books by starting The Screwtape Letters. This book takes a cleaver look at the nature of sin and temptation by theorizing about the methods and tactics used by demons to cause Christians to stumble. Each chapter is a letter written by an experienced demon, Screwtape, to his rookie nephew, Wormwood. I would like to apply something Screwtape said about prayer to worship because prayer and worship are so similar. Screwtape, giving advice to Wormwood about how to sabotage the prayers of a Chrisitian says this:

Keep them watching their own minds and trying to produce feelings there by the action of their own wills. When they meant to ask Him [the Lord] for charity, let them, instead, start trying to manufacture charitable feelings for themselves and not notice that this is what they are doing. When they meant to pray for courage, let them really be trying to feel brave. When they say they are praying for forgiveness, let them be trying to feel forgiven. Teach them to estimate the value of each prayer by their success in producing the desired feeling; and never let them suspect how much success or failure of that kind depends on whether they are well or ill, fresh or tired, at the moment.(Pg.16-17)

So many times I have thought I was asking for forgiveness when I was actually trying to feel forgiven. How foolish! How can making myself feel forgiven do anything to actually remove the debt of sin? I am often tempted to do the same thing in worship. I might say that I am adoring the Lord, but I am actually trying to feel like I adore him. The worship service becomes a time of me focusing on my own thoughts and the process of manufacturing feelings of worship.

What is worship that is more than a feeling? (Boston Rocks!) Does it mean very plain music with no emotion? No, the Lord created emotions before the fall, and they are good! I hope we will experience emotion in heaven as we worship the Lord (it would be a boring eternity without them.) Worship that is ‘more than a feeling’ means that we take the focus off of ourselves and fix our thoughts on Jesus. Instead of trying to feel like we are loved, feel like we are justified, feel like we are forgiven, we simply believe it and act on that belief by speaking, singing, and praying about the glory of the Lord.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 2:14 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 8, 2006

What does it mean to be “Christ-centered” in our worship?

If we sing only about Jesus, if we project images representing Christ (lamb, lion, cross, crown, etc.) on the screen, or if we keep some mental image or concept of Christ at the forefront of our consciousness during the worship service is that what makes it “Christ-centered”?

I will leave that question open and submit some thoughts I had from “The Great Divorce” by C.S. Lewis. In this book, the narrator finds himself in Hell waiting for a bus to take him to visit the threshold of Heaven. (Before you get worked up about the biblical or theological validity of such a concept, read the entire book.) When he arrives there, the “Spirits” from Heaven come down to meet the “Ghosts” from Hell to invite them to experience the joy of being redeemed. Lewis paints a vivid picture by contrasting the hollow, shapeless Ghosts of the lost against the brilliantly radiant and profoundly substantial Spirits of the redeemed. It’s an excellent read.

In one chapter, the narrator eavesdrops on a conversation between two painters, one a Ghost and one a Spirit. Responding to the Spirit-Painter’s invitation to come “up into the mountains” (I suppose this represents the process of seeking the truth of the gospel), the Ghost-Painter asks if he can bring his painting supplies. The Spirit tells him that you wont need to paint there; you must simply look because the glory of the reality surrounding you will be far greater than your attempt to paint it. You must go back to the attitude you first had when you began to paint in which you were just in love with light.

Lewis is not saying that heaven will have no creative activity. On the contrary, in a way, every person will begin to see with the eyes of an artist when they look on the glory of Christ. We will behold clearly for the first time the beauty, love, purity, justice, and all the other glorious attributes of Christ completely unveiled.

So, Christ-centered worship is a preview of that same beholding (Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine.) We don’t come into worship with our personal set of paints and brushes to somehow portray Christ. Instead, we come like Mary Magdalene sitting at his feet with our eyes and ears open to behold his beautiful glory and to soak it up.

Listen to the Word of God. Meditate on the words of the worship songs, and ask the Lord to put a new song in your mouth. Observe the love and grace in his body and blood.

Behold!

Posted by Kirk Ward at 5:03 PM | TrackBack

February 2, 2006

The Heart of Worship

“I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about you; it’s all about you, Jesus.” -Matt Redmann

I have shared this with a lot of people, but it is worth repeating. The past few months have been a blur of excitement. Sarah and I were pushed to the limit with our busy schedule. We only had two weeknights alone together, and much of my free time had to be devoted to studying. I fell into the classic “I’m too busy to pray” trap, and my relationship to the Lord Jesus became a religious ritual instead of a passionate love affair. In January, I began to see the fallout from living this way.

Jesus said, “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” (John 15:4) As a “worship leader”, I can’t produce worship in spirit and truth when I am not in the vine. Week after week I began to feel like I was going through the motions.

One night, I was feeling particularly angry with God for not fixing it. I wanted him to just inject joy into my heart, but he seemed so distant. That night, I was holding my daughter because she was screaming. I didn’t know why she was screaming; I just knew that I couldn’t ignore her. I thought, “Joanna, why are you crying? You are crying for help but can’t you see that I’m right here holding you in my arms?” I guess that the Holy Spirit turned my questions on me, and I immediately remembered that Jesus had already purchased my life, he had already bound my life up in his, he was already holding me in his arms. I felt that Jesus was distant, and yet his word promises that he will never leave me.

I am rediscovering the love of my Savior, and turning the focus of the worship-stuff that I do every week back to the real heart of worship. The love of Jesus is the fuel of worship. The mercy of Jesus is the access to worship. The grace of Jesus is the vessel of worship. The glory of Jesus is the goal of worship. The joy of Jesus is fruit of worship.

I am coming back to the heart of worship, Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ. It is all about him.

Gratuitous Joanna Picture:

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January 17, 2006

Blue Like Jazz

I just finished a good read, Don Miller’s Blue Like Jazz. Having read a thoughtful, well-crafted book like that, I am now a little embarrassed at the secret pride I feel for my little blog entries. Miller’s writing was so engaging that I finished the book in a week (which is fast for me.)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this book, the first thing you should know is that it has nothing to do with jazz. Blue Like Jazz is accurately subtitled, “Non-religious Thoughts On Christian Spirituality” because the book is just thoughts about this man’s personal experience in having his eyes opened to the truth of God’s love. The book is an excellent presentation of the spiritual struggles of a lot of people from my generation. I resonated with a lot of what he writes about. I recommend it to anyone who has ever had feelings of being frustrated with the embarrassing history of the church or felt like Christian culture was dangerously un-cool and irrelevant. I say that not because Miller uses his book to berate or accuse, but because he’s a guy who has had to wrestle with and to get over those feelings.

I think another thing that sucked me into this book is that Miller reminds me of a combination of a few of my friends from Chattanooga: he has the emotions of Mason Neely, the bookishness of Lang Martin, the politics of Sean Loftin, and he looks exactly like Brian McKeon.

Creepy isn't it?

Here's a link to Donald Miller's website (as if you couldn't just Google it yourself, you lazy bums!)

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January 3, 2006

Wait on the Lord

I am in a fog today thanks to my beautiful daughter who loves my wife and I so much that she wanted to spend the entire night playing with us.

I want to share my theme verse for the year. This is a tradition that I have adopted from my wife’s family in which we all choose a verse of scripture for the year. My verse last year was featured on the heading of my blog: Isaiah 61:10-11. I liked how this passage referred to both the robe of righteousness that we have received from the Lord, and righteousness and praise springing up like a flower.

This year’s verse is Psalm 130:6.

My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

In the middle of the night, as I try to rock my baby girl back to sleep, I experience what it truly means to wait for the morning. Each time she wakes, I look at the clock and hope that the morning has come.

I have always been confused by the expression “wait on the Lord.” I always felt like this was a little ambiguous. What does it look like to wait on the Lord? Is it a sort of passive killing time like waiting for my oil to be changed or waiting for the coffee to finish brewing? As my colleague, Tony jokingly asked, “Lord, while I’m waiting on you is it ok if I watch some TV or something?”

However, I believe that the Lord is teaching me to wait on him through this verse and my newborn daughter. Watchmen who wait for the morning are not passively killing time. They must be alert and focused on their task, and as they watch, they deeply long for the morning when they will be relieved of their duty. Each morning that comes for the watchman means another peaceful and uneventful night. The morning means safety, security, and relief.

The psalmist who composed Psalm 130 cries out to the Lord from the depths of woe. I have cried out many times in the last two weeks for the Lord to come and comfort me, sustain me and hear my cry. In the wee hours of the morning, I have cried out to the Lord in many different ways. I can’t do anything to help this little girl. I am at the end of my resources. I have nothing left in myself to give to her. Lord, she can sleep all day tomorrow, but I have to go to work! After I cry out, I must then wait on the Lord. Like the watchman, I long for the morning and I also long with all my heart to see the Lord respond to my cry. I long for his comfort, his security, and his promises. Waiting on the Lord is a desperate process in which we are poised and prepared for the Lord’s response.

If you ever find yourself stirring in the middle of the night, think of the Wards and pray for Joanna to go to sleep.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 1:53 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

December 22, 2005

One Week of Fatherhood

After a week of fatherhood, I have just a few thoughts to share about the experience:

1. The more time I spend around my newborn daughter, the more I relate to being a newborn. Even thought I am a grown man, I still have some of those same base instincts. I prefer to sleep bundled up and cozy. I perform the exact same bodily functions; I am just better at hiding them from the world. I like to eat comfort food when I am feeling exhausted or stressed. The warm touch from someone I love will do a lot to alleviate my fears and anxiety. If I could, I would wear PJ’s 24-7. In my deepest inner heart, I can see my complete helplessness and desperate dependence on my Father.

2. When I got married (not too long ago), I experienced several months of emotional extremes. The Lord has used my marriage to reveal the sins that I never knew were in me, and then he used my marriage to redeem my heart from those sins through trials and further submission to his will. Now, I am experiencing the same thing: new sin revealed, trials and submission, and redemption. The Lord has sovereignty designed the family to be like a super potent form of the church community.

3. I used to have trouble getting back to sleep if I woke up in the middle of the night. Thanks to my daughter, I have been cured of insomnia. Now, when my head hits the pillow and my eyelids close, I am out like a light.

4.Rules for late night feedings:
M is for Mommy, and M is for Milk.
D is for Dad, and D is for Diaper.
I have read things about how to get a baby to sleep (rocking, singing, swaddling, burping, etc.), but it is all vanity compared to the power of the breast and the diaper.

5. As a father, it is impossible to ignore my daughter’s cry for help. When I hear her cry in the middle of the night, no matter how tired I am I cannot ignore her cry. That is an irresistible force of paternal love. I am a father who sin has strongholds of sin in my heart, but my heavenly Father is full of perfect love. How much more will he listen to my cry for help? How much more will he see to my needs and preserve my life through his never failing love? Sometimes, like when I am changing her diaper, she screams bloody-murder even though I am doing her a great service by cleaning the mess off of her. How much more will my heavenly Father clean my mess off of me even if I am screaming blood-murder?

Posted by Kirk Ward at 2:45 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

November 22, 2005

Garrett's Chai Latte Story

KW: The following is an email I received from a buddy of mine, Garrett Nabors. Garrett is currently serving with the US forces in Iraq. Please read this story of an encounter that Garrett had while waiting in line at a military coffee shop called “Green Beans.” It's long by blog standards, but it's worth the read.

The other day I was standing in line at Green Beans when, from behind, an enlisted soldier started talking to me. He asked, “Are you Infantry”?

I replied with a terse “No”, thinking that this would cause him to instantly lose interest in talking to me. I couldn’t allow myself to get too distracted while waiting in line for coffee. Conversation was not nearly as high a priority for me as the double sized, spiced chai latte, that had beckoned me to walk almost a mile through the Iraqi desert. Plus, being aggravated by silly questions, while anticipating a treat like fu-fu coffee, really ruins the whole experience.

“What branch are you, sir”? He continued to ask.

“MI”, I replied sticking with my theme of two letter answers. He persisted to ask me a series of questions, all of little consequence. I met his every attempt to enter into conversation with a resounding Monty Pythonesque, “None shall pass”. However, despite my obvious attempts to lop of his inquisitive limbs, he attempted to advance past my hostility, as if he were saying, “Oh, it’s only a flesh wound”. To say the least I was being unsociable and he was being uncooperative. Some people just don’t know how to react to rudeness I suppose.

Then he hit me with a question that no one would want to get asked when acting as one ought not in public. “You’re a Christian aren’t you”? Now, if I had known he held a nuclear option, I certainly would have been more polite –I promise. So, I had been mean and he read that as, “oh yes, certainly a follower of the humble Lord Jesus”.

This guy was either a little off or my life, I thought, was being called to account right when I was just two people away from getting my chai.

Continue reading "Garrett's Chai Latte Story"

Posted by Kirk Ward at 2:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 18, 2005

Bono on Grace

Last week, Carrie Jones and Jason Moore thought they would be clever and ask me if we could sing U2’s “Yahweh” in church one Sunday. They didn’t like my response because I said, “Maybe we could!” I know of a church where they sing that song in worship and U2’s “40” has been used in campus ministry groups for years. Bono’s doctrine may not be all in the right place, and his understanding of Scripture is not very good. But, read this excerpt of an interview with him (I lifted this from Christianity Today website) in which he shares the gospel with Michka Assayas while he talks about Karma vs. Grace and the deity of Jesus:

Assayas: I think I am beginning to understand religion because I have started acting and thinking like a father. What do you make of that?

Bono: Yes, I think that's normal. It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma.

Continue reading "Bono on Grace"

Posted by Kirk Ward at 10:02 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

September 22, 2005

The Presence of the Lord

This week we are going to be working on a song that Kurt Carr composed and Byron Cage recorded called “The Presence of the Lord is Here.” It is a very exciting song celebrating the way that the Lord is actively present in worship when Christians meet together. It is not a complicated song lyrically, but it is a great way to begin a worship service.

As I was looking for a passage to fit in the call to worship, I thought I might pull out my concordance and find some scripture to tie into this song that would describe what it means to be in the presence of the Lord. There are several passages in the Old Testament that use this phrase, and so here are some observations based on those passages.

The Presence of the Lord means Judgment.
In Leviticus 9, Moses and Aaron presented a sacrifice to the Lord to atone for the sins of the people, and the scripture says that “fire came out from the presence of the Lord” and consumed the offering. In the next chapter, Aaron’s sons presented “unauthorized fire” to the Lord and the same fire came out and consumed them. Yahweh is holy, holy, holy so when we come into his presence our sin is exposed and his righteous judgment is on us.

The Presence of the Lord means Sanctuary.
In Deuteronomy 12, the Moses shares the law, which reveals to the Israelites how they are to worship the one true God. He provides the means for them to approach this holy God without receiving the judgment they deserve. After they have presented all the offerings and sacrifices, it says that “there, in the presence of the Lord your God, you and your families shall eat and rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the Lord your God has blessed you.” There is comfort and security in the gracious embrace of our Father.

The Presence of the Lord means Covenant
In 2 Kings 23, Josiah, the King of Judah, reads the word of God and renews the covenant in the Presence of the Lord. If you are unfamiliar with the concept of ‘covenant’, it is a gracious promise and contract that the Lord makes with his people. There are other references in the OT of people taking vows and making commitments in the presence of the Lord. In his presence, we remember his covenants and renew our commitments.

But in the gospels, you see how the Lord fulfills all of these in Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus is the Word made flesh; his incarnation meant that the presence of the Lord was here on earth walking among us. Jesus embodies all the aspects of the Lord’s presence. By giving his life as a sacrifice, Jesus took upon himself the judgment that we deserved. He was the ultimate sacrifice consumed by the Lord’s holiness and exhausting the Lord’s wrath. By receiving that judgment, Jesus could become the sanctuary for our souls. When we abide in him, the grace of God is poured out on us giving comfort and security from the forces of darkness in our own heart as well as in the world. Jesus fulfilled all the covenants that were made with humans by keeping the entire law, defeating Satan, and establishing his eternal throne.

So the presence of the Lord is Jesus.

Posted by Kirk Ward at 2:18 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 13, 2005

OK, God, I get the point!

Have you ever had a time in your life when God seemed to be quite obviously trying to teach you something specific?

Right now, God seems to be quite specifically trying to teach me to be a leader. I am taking two classes this semester that have a leadership emphasis, and they both demand that I take a lot of diagnostics tests to better understand my leadership style. I am also taking a Sunday School class called “Team Ministry” in which I have been confronted with my sinful tendency to take a far to independent approach to leading. I experienced it this Sunday when all sorts of things were going wrong and I was the only person who seemed capable to fix them. What was the problem? I had not properly trained the people on my team to use the equipment. I was not being a team player; I was being a cowboy. Even our birthing preparation class is the “husband coach” method that requires that I become a coach to my wife through the next few months by making her eat right and do certain exercises.

I personally don’t like talking about leadership a whole lot. I see my role as a leader to be simply a specific type of service that I happened to be called to do. I’m reading a book for one of my classes called “Leaders on Leadership.” A lot of the stuff in it reminds me of those posters you see hanging in banks that have some picture of a guy rock climbing. At the bottom of the poster there is always some word in all caps like STRATGY with a quote from some one like Lee Iacocca or Ben Franklin.

What is God preparing me for? Is it just my job at the church? Or is he preparing me to be a better husband and father?

Posted by Kirk Ward at 5:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 8, 2005

Death is Ended

It seems like there have been times in my life when I feel like I am surrounded with death. Right now, death is only standing on the perimeters of my various relationships, but he’s there in the shadows. Several people on the music team at NCF have close relatives who are dying or have died. There is one of our NCF staff members whose life hangs from a thread. Headlines remind me every day about the body count in the gulf coast and the soldiers who are falling on the frontlines in Iraq. Death is working overtime this month.

Of course, I realize that all that has changed is my perception. Death is at work all the time; he’s just not usually working so close to home. All year long, people are dying all over the world, all over this country, in St. Louis, in my neighborhood. Death does not take a vacation.

In the face of all this death, my wife and I are experiencing new life. Our daughter grows more and more every day. She bumps and flips around Sarah’s belly all the time reminding us that she is alive. Keeping kicking, baby girl, don’t let ol' man Death take you before we get to meet you.

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” says the Apostle Paul quoting Hosea. It seems like these days that Death is strutting around doing an end zone dance. All of us have been stung by death. His sting is sin, and there is no one righteous. Every time I sin, it reeks of death, and I carry around my old sins like a dead corpse (imagine Fezzik carrying around the dead Westley in the Princess Bride)

Thanks be to God! Death has no victory. The Lord, Jesus Christ, defeated Death by dying on the cross and returning from the grave, alive. Alive and kicking, just like my daughter! I am thankful that Jesus never downplayed Death. As if Death were no small thing to defeat. Jesus wept at the grave of Lazarus, and when he faced eminent death in Gethsemane, he toiled in prayer until his sweat was like drops of blood. Death is a terrible thing. But, he has not defeated us. We have the victory in Christ.

Just remember, "Mostly dead is slightly alive."

Posted by Kirk Ward at 1:29 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack