There's always a twinge of guilt around featuring my own music. Am I just glorifying myself? Is this just a big advertisement for my CD and my agenda? I can recite to myself the reasons why it is better to allow the community of believers in a church to create their own unique expressions of worship, but it sometimes just feels like a justification for exploiting a captive audience. Of course, these feelings of guilt are just a lie. Would feelings of guilt that inhibit the creation and expression of new worship really be from the Holy Spirit? No, this is the guilt of the enemy who wants all expressions of worship to cease.
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with someone who has been at our church for several months. They were surprised that I was recording a CD. They asked if I wrote songs. They didn't recognize any songs that I had written from our worship services. After that conversation, I immediately consulted my records and found that I had not featured much of my own music over the past 6 months. One song a month was the average. So, I decided, in anticipation of the CD release, to schedule one song of mine every Sunday. I want my songs and the CD that I've spent so much time on to be a gift to the congregation of people who I lead in worship. If they don't recognize my songs then I have been failing to faithfully share the gift that God has equipped me with.
I believe that any artist (or any other labor) who does not faithfully practice and share their gift is being unfaithful to the Spirits work. The gifts we have been given are not for ourselves; they are gifts that are to be shared with our communities. So, to my community, New City Fellowship, I apologize for the way I have allowed false guilt to drive my gift into the dark.
